


But I Can't

by helloliriels



Series: TJLC Poems [11]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Feelings Realization, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Inspired by Poetry, Inspired by WH Auden, M/M, POV Sherlock Holmes, Poetry, Post-Episode: s02e03 The Reichenbach Fall, Post-Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, Sherlock Holmes Has Feelings, TJLC | The Johnlock Conspiracy, World Ender, but I can't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:28:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27870782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helloliriels/pseuds/helloliriels
Summary: This aching deep within me, when I see you by her side.The words almost come out, theySlipAnd fall,Several times. Near my tongue.I hesitate, swallow them back.Then try to speak.
Relationships: Sherlock Holmes & John Watson, Sherlock Holmes/John Watson
Series: TJLC Poems [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1994833
Comments: 5
Kudos: 7





	But I Can't

### (But I Can't) World Ender

You're like a drug, that gets me high.  
It's weakness -  
Sentiment,  
To be found on the losing side. I know.  
Don't ask me to quit.  
I can't.  
  
I'll take the fall and keep you safe.  
You're all I need, and more.  
Tomorrow I hope to hold you,  
And wipe away the tears I've caused.  
But tonight, forgive me.  
I can't.  
  
I've lived and breathed, and died for just  
Your love.  
I want to tell you all I feel.  
This aching deep within me, when I see you by her side.  
The words almost come out, they  
Slip  
And fall,  
Several times. Near my tongue.  
I hesitate, swallow them back.  
Then try to speak.  
I find somehow -  
I can't.  
  
Someone's arms will hold you tight -  
Tonight is all for you.  
The wedding. Guests. And one last dance.  
I'd stay to watch, if just you'd asked --  
But don't ask me to.  
I can't.  
  
I welcome now the pain of drugs,  
Alone  
Is what I have.  
The needle brings a small relief.  
I'd crawl out,  
But I can't.  
  
Don't hold me at this distance long  
I'm falling now -  
I can't  
Seem to grasp a new design  
A pattern now -  
I can't  
How to live this life  
Without you by my side.  
She's loved you and  
although she's lied,  
You chose her.  
So, I can't.  
  
I welcome hell  
If that will save  
You and  
This new life.  
Perhaps the world  
Can go on,  
Without a John Watson  
Keeping it right.  
  
But I know,  
I can't.  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> >   
>  _Inspired by WH Auden's poem - If I Could Tell You (But I Can't)_   
>    
>  _"Time will say nothing but I told you so,_   
>  _Time only knows the price we have to pay;_   
>  _If I could tell you I would let you know."_   
> 


End file.
